At D-Toxd, we believe in a “real life” approach to healthy living rather than a quick fix or temporary solution to a permanent problem. Too often, we get to spend time with people who have tried so many diets and programs that their approach to healthy living is a quick “break” to shift the gained weight and then back to the same-old-same-old.
At first, some people find our approach slightly challenging due to the way we do things and, for us, we have learned to embrace but, most of all, to TRUST our program.
Over the course of a week, we watch people embrace something different and when they return (sometimes again and again and again) we see how people grow and change and it is, to be honest, pretty humbling.
This year, we have watched our Chezza literally transform before our eyes. We’ve seen her up’s and her down’s, her high’s and her low’s but most of all, we have been privileged to watch life changing events take place.
Today, we share something she wrote when she reached a personal milestone a few months ago and we wanted to share it with you.
So I’ve now lost 4 stone. I do feel physically better for it but still I have a problem with accepting it and taking compliments! I have glimpses of seeing it then it is gone again.
I went shopping 2 days ago and I was forced to admit to myself that in the long mirrors while trying on clothes I did look a bit “less” but then my inner saboteur would get a grip and I would eat something bad just to squash any highfaluting ideas I started to have about myself!
Yesterday 5 people, at separate times, all said they thought I looked like I had lost even more weight. Can they all be wrong? Obviously I thanked them as you are supposed to but in my head I was saying “it’s probably because of what I am wearing today.”
I am here for just under 3 more months and I realise I need to help my head catch up with my body –if I don’t then there is a danger of undoing all the work I have done so far when I leave.
Don’t get me wrong – I do feel more positive but I am in a rather unreal environment – up a mountain far from anywhere, at a health retreat where food and juices are provided without me having to think and only having one day off in the real world of temptations!
On my days off I have improved with my choices for food but I do still have the occasional slip. I always choose a meal to eat out that I fancy, whether it be healthy or not so healthy, and make sure I really enjoy it – that is the trick, not to beat myself up afterwards but to OWN my choices.
I also have a rule of no bad food up the mountain…there is a set of bins halfway up which is where I have to dump anything remaining before continuing! At the beginning I would go crazy on my day off as I knew I only had this one window of opportunity to eat crap.
Today I still have many wars while out – going round the supermarket and putting everything I want in it, then taking stuff out, then putting it back in, then getting to checkout only to turn round and go back to the bad food aisle to put stuff back . . . or take it!
However I am now winning more times these days and if sometimes I don’t? Well I just get back on the wagon as soon as I possibly can – my rule is at the latest the very next day.
Exercise I am still not a lover of, probably because I do so much of it up here. Plus, well, it hurts!!! I know the instructors would love me to love it as they do but I do still struggle with that concept. I like to go on walks although always curse the bloody hills and heat at times but exercise classes I just can’t (or, if I am honest with myself, won’t) let myself enjoy.
It puzzles me how the guests seem to enjoy rebounding and HIIT classes, I’m sure I must be missing something as they are obviously getting a lot from it. I feel like I am going through the motions and counting the minutes until it is over!
I do admit that in certain areas I have improved – running round the pool for 3 minutes I could never have done on day 1 here for example! This does give me some satisfaction….but enjoyment? I admit I usually feel better afterwards but again I don’t think enjoyment figured.
Maybe it is about choosing a class that I do like when I leave here. I think that’s important if I want to keep it up and maintain fitness, however even if I don’t ‘enjoy’ a class I need to remember that I DO feel better afterwards and it’s helping me get to my end goal!
A HUGE achievement for me. I am now officially PILL FREE – that’s a good feeling! After 20 years of taking antidepressants I now take none!
Yup, that’s right – absolutely none !
Yes I still have my ups and downs but I think this is normal and once I understand that feeling down doesn’t have to mean the end of the world and back to times past when I was at my lowest but to learn to ride the wave as it won’t go on forever – a work in progress!!
Finally, I still have an elephant in my room in the form of a box file of writing I did when I was at my worst – quite deep and depressing stuff which I feel I do need to burn before I leave here, to let go of the past and to move on. It feels hard though as I still feel it is part of me which, for some reason, I am not quite ready to let go of – my first step is to read it and see how I feel which is scary as I don’t want it to set me back!
But like anything, it is a work in progress and I am now slowly beginning to see that.